PS.I just really need a hug.

I am genuinely happy that you've finally found what you guys wanted for such a long time and I am crying as i am typing this,but heck.The maggots are eating my brain and I am just gonna come right here and just say it.

I am scared.
I am scared that history is going to repeat itself.
I am scared I'll be left alone again.
I am scared of always being that faithful pillar that people use temporarily for support.
I am scared that I will feel like dying again and that maybe I've finally reached the point where I can't stand it anymore.

I know you'll say you're not going to do that,that you are different from them and I mean something to you.
I know you'll tell me to stop being stupid, silly and paranoid.
I know you'll say that if I keep thinking that way,it will most definitely come true.
I know that you'll prolly even laugh or give me a really angry face and tell me to stop thinking up nonsense.

I know all these,but I am really really sorry,I can't help it.
I can't help thinking that change is going to happen.
I can't help feeling like I am losing my importance in your lives.
I can't help feeling like the overused haven that can only watch people come and go.
I can't stop feeling helplessly sad that you're traveling to a place where I call your names and all I get is an echo.

I am trying my best to stop being annoying and just get over it.
I am trying my best to keep smiling so you don't feel obliged to stay.
I am trying my best to stop being that annoying friend that just sticks around.

I don't think my heart can take it now,but give me some time,I'm trying my best to 'cut it out'.Sorry.