Argue.

I dream of yanking out your hair and seeing your scalp dangling 

on the other end of my claw-like fingers 

and watching your blood just dripping, 

making fascinating Rorschach patterns on the floor 

as I stand there 

with my crazed eyes just bulging out from their sockets 

and guttural maniac laughter bursting out from my throat, 

feeling as though my jaws tore apart. 

I can do nothing 

to soothe your inhumane screams for help 

except to watch your lacerated body seize with fear 

simply because I got no capacity left 

in this feeble, weak and tired soul of mine 

to feel, to sympathize or to commiserate, 

seeing that I can only empathize 

with that dangling scalp 

that is so detached and far away from you. 

Savage piece of the month. This feels yummy.

Hahah, okay after that's all out, I guess it's time to update.

Shows for Sex. Violence. Blood. Gore are coming up soon on the 5th and 6th of October, after countless, tired days I've spent debating and arguing my points. Things are finally really going to be over and I am going to have my 'life' back.

I am heading to Melbourne soon for a month or 2 to take a look and observe the culture on the 13th of October, 2013. Havent told people much, but I've applied to University of Melbourne and SIM. Here's to hoping that I get in to University of Melbourne. I got my SIM application provisional offer, but if that's what SIM is only offering me, I think I would be better off going to UM. I'll really miss my rabbit if I do though, he's kind of the only thing that keeps me sane these days.

Speaking of which, I got myself a cute bunny on the 4th of July and he got neutered about a month later. The vet said that he's about 10-11 months, so my cute dear is about a year old. He's my heart rabbit, I really dont know what I'll do without him. Maybe get my rabbit fix from Melbourne's rabbit shelters? I'm not really sure. This whole going to Melbourne thing is really sudden; I'm still hoping it's not a dream.

Recently, I find it a little tough to fight for 'myself'. Like when I see other people dating and all that stuff, I know deep down I want that too but because my 'someone special' is not here yet, so I should just like sit and wait. It's boring to keep sitting on the sidewalks, ya know? Like when is it going to be my turn? Just because I dress different, I act different, people just dont cast me in their vision. Then I'll always just be sitting there, comforting those that are taking a break on the sidewalks and being that 7-11 meal that no one buys unless they need food and 7-11 is the only place open in the middle of the night. Just another day, isn’t it?

Someone told me this recently, that my good point is that I dont let things get me down. Every time I get struck down by Fate, I stand back up again. I guess what that person, or any other people, dont notice is that corrosive shitty feeling inside of me that eats at my insides every single time I have to smile and act like everything is fine and dandy.

The worse part of it all, no one seem to have the time to ask me,

“What’s wrong?”