What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

I dont know why am I back in this place, I thought I have grew beyond this space, but I guess not. This place been left empty for quite some time because I have been trying to deal with things a different manner, and now I am back to grace it with what's been going through my life.

For the past few weeks I have been doing and thinking about some really important but painful things in my life. About relationships that I have with the people in my life and how it has evolved. For me, reflection is painful. It is painful because it takes me a long time to ponder before I find my answers and I never voluntarily choose to think about this things.

 I did something really stupid last night. I was pissed and upset, totally not in my right state of mind. Curious with what alcohol will do in a time like that, I pilfered a can of Stella Artois from my dad's wine fridge and drank it within 10 minutes on an empty stomach. I am usually a really stable drinker, I can finish a few cans of beer, a few shots and more and I dont get drunk.

 But last night, I was a wreak in less than 15 mins after my beer. I was rolling along the edge of my table, rambling strange things to people on Facebook in strangely spelt english (I wish I can be a fairy and sing and dance forever/ I wanna roll along Orchard Road with Christmas lights in the background) and just being a total pest to my friends. I only remembered that tears was just leaking profusely out of my eyes and my pillow/shirt/table was wet in the morning. The worse part of this whole experience was that I couldnt remember half the things I typed until I read the conversations today morning.

When I woke up, I was a mess. My eyes were very swollen and glued together, my body ached and I dont feel like getting out of my bed. And at that moment, I regret turning to alcohol. It's a really stupid thought I had and it's a really stupid decision that I made. Yeah sure, it may help to get rid of what I felt at that moment, but the morning after sucks.

 After reflecting upon my decision and while I was typing this, I have finally come to peace with myself. I have other relationships that I can keep maintaining and I have other friends who love me as well. I am not going to let this feeling and self-pity wreck me. I am gonna be stronger. Today is going to be a new day, because what doesnt kill me makes me stronger.