Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision about them in the past.

I wonder if they are really as quiet as they are made to be, as emotionless as I thought them to be, as academically focused as I believed them to be. I wonder if they are really what I say, I mean the only people I really spend my time with is with the people from the other class (Hi you lala, lizzie, zing and whoever comes here.=).) and the only time I really interact with them is during class time so it cant be that reliable, right? Recently, I feel guilty, helpless and just a slight bit defensive whenever I hear comments about my class being different, like being the only class that sits with tables and chairs during a drama tutorial, being the "quiet" class or even known to others as the class that is rigid, boring and conventional. I now realized that is not the case because we joke, we laugh, we giggle, we have feelings.(I mean we dont really share our resources last time but now we are starting to. Right?)

After trying to learn how to spend the past few months with more people from my class I found out that only reason why we are quiet is not because we are not cooperative, but just because we are too afraid to make comments. (yes, though it's been a year, but we are babies that are slow to warm up.)That isnt being cold, unfeeling or even unconventional, it's just being scared. And there isnt anything wrong being scared of making comments.I mean half of them that I spend my time with are actually shy but when they do warm-up to you, you become their friend. Yes there are cliques in my class, yes I agree they do stick together for projects and so on, but since the last semester, people had been trying to start working with other people and learn to lean more on the class and less on the cliques. It's normal to have a group of friends that we can hang out with,even I have a few(I mean who dont?), but the point is to finally learn how to break out of your comfort zone just to try to be with other people, and we are starting to break and form a bigger bond.(Though it took us 1 year to finally get majority of us together, I feel like we've started the process.=).)

I feel helpless sometimes, when I hear comments from various sources and even my own classmates calling our class quiet, uncooperative and make us look like we are aliens from outer space and shouldnt belong in CASS.( Kurt: You can’t prove there isn’t a magic teapot floating around the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightening out of its boobs.) I feel as though I could have done more, that I should stand up for my class, that I should have done something. But at that moment, all I did was just to give a slight smile or even try to make joke out of it, and I am not proud of it. I am not proud of not being able to stand up for my class, not proud of not fighting for us. But then again, I think again. What else could I have done? Our class talks, but only to our class. Our class gives suggestions, but only in the small group class discussions. Our class is locked in "our class". How do you stand up for a class that dont show what we do?( Like the Malfoy family.) So, all I did was just to stand there, take it in, and feel horrible after that.

I do admit I used to feel uncomfortable working with the people and I had made some presumptuous judgments about them, but now I realized how special we all are. We may be in CASS and not weird, loud or drama-inclined, but that fact itself made us unique. The only thing that is weird is because it is not the norm right? So if everyone else is busy trying to outdo each other in weird haircuts, attention-grabbing clothes and so on, we staying as we are make us weird and a part of CASS.